Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
