Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
