do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
