I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
