yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
