I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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