Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
