sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
