Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
