In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
