A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
