4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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