You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize