Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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