Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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