I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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