good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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