Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
