This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
