Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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