you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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