like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
