i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
