Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
