i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I want you more than these girls want KFC
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
