You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
