okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
