Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
