somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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