My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My breasts were aching with rage.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
