I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You took a bar mat shot.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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