can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
