I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
