I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's get the cat blown out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
