Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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