i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
