well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
