Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
