So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
