i will never coherently bang her
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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