could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is classic penis vs brain.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
