it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
