is your mom at the bar?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
