Soap is not a condiment
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize