2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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