what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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