So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
