just tell him i said nine months
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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