did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
