You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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