Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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