dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
