lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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