One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
