i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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