Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
