I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
