He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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