This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You did what with his pubic hair?
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