I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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