Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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