I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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