Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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