i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
