We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
