I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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