Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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