All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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