oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
