I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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