i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
