i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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