i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
