I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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