Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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