it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
