We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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